Anthony Landale
What do you do if you are not getting on with someone you have to work with and it’s affecting your morale and performance? I remember many years ago having a dispute with a neighbour and believing I was absolutely in the right. Whenever I thought about him I felt angry and frustrated. The arguments seemed to go on forever and took up loads of my energy.
Eventually I saw that ‘being right’ was not only getting me nowhere, it was also trapping me. Who cared if I was right or wrong? In holding on to my justifications I was simply prolonging the conflict. So I decided to apologise to my neighbour. I told him that I really wanted a different relationship with him and asked him if he’d like to go out for a drink sometime. The relief I saw on his face was extraordinary and probably mirrored my own. We never became best friends but from that moment on we became communicative and respectful.
The same thing happens in working life. If you have a poor relationship with someone then ask yourself whether ‘being right’ is getting you what you want. Then consider a better future in which you have a decent working relationship and ask yourself whether you are ready to have that one brave conversation that will help it to occur.
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2 Comments
Ricky Bache
Completely agree with this Anthony. One of my big live ‘ah-hah’ moments was when I became conscious that I had the choice between ‘being right’ or moving on with someone to have a fruitful relationship moving forwards. It’s the old Zen acceptance thing again. Ricky Bache, Viral Leadership TV
Orla
This is very true. I recognise that I have wasted an enormous amount of energy going over and over situations like this in my head – trying to work out a strategy to ‘win’ – at the expense of other things in my life that deserved my energy more.
An interesting experiment to try is to mentally change your image of the person you are frustrated with. You don’t have to be anywhere near them to do this. Just for a moment or two dig deep with your generousity and imagine them in a totally positive light (make up some redeeming features if you have to). Next time you see them, notice if there is any difference in the way they react to you.