Chris van Schaick

“Because people are busier than ever, a précis is a modern form of good manners”. He was talking about the virtues of being concise. It made me stop and think because of my own interest in helping organisations write and speak more clearly.

But ‘good manners’? It seems like a slightly old fashioned phrase now. Years ago, my old Mum and Dad told me that good manners were really about consideration for other people. Not so much about which fork you use.

So in a rough, tough, ultra competitive world, do good manners – on Mum and Dad’s definition – have a value? I suspect they do – especially if lasting success relies on building relationships which are big enough to get the job done. And how do you build those Big Relationships without consideration for other people?

Some of the most effective business people I’ve seen are attentive, solicitous and curious about other people. That doesn’t half power up their relationships and multiply what gets done on their behalf.

One of those people happens to be my father-in-law. He was a lorry salesman and brilliant at it. His starting point (and what built his bulging book of repeat orders) was his interest in other people – attentive, solicitous, curious. He knew the numbers and the margins. But the starting point of his sales conversations was always the other person and what was happening in their life.

And while we’re talking family, what bigger relationship is there than a marriage or any other lifetime partnership? Those get built on consideration don’t they? Looks and smiles and kindnesses and thinking about the needs of the other person.

Before we get too soppy, let’s remind ourselves that, to coin a phrase, Big Relationships at work aren’t about liking everyone and everyone liking you. But they are about engaging our fellow human beings and using our interest in and consideration for them (our good manners) as a crucial source of rocket fuel for our journey to the stars.

Back to Maurice. It’s interesting that a man so brutally determined and entrepreneurial that he once tried to buy the Midland Bank should put a premium on good manners. And he wasn’t talking about which spoon you use for the soup.

Leadership nudge: Make time this week to think about what powers up your relationships and makes them big enough to get the job done……What can do to be even more curious, attentive and solicitous of others?

By Chris van Schaick

Chris is a communications specialist who helps companies and people write and present themselves more effectively.

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