One of Steve’s posts earlier this year struck a chord ‘Does one of my practices work for you?’ 5 March, 2012, he writes about ‘calm, then intent’. I love this idea, and as somebody who can be described as impatient, both at home and at work, I thought I could learn from it and have!

A few weeks after reading the post, I was in a workshop with my team focusing on getting to know each other and building trust. Several conversations and some pretty open and honest feedback later, I found myself thinking again about how I impact on others and how my desire and ability to deliver at pace, can sometimes leave other people feeling left behind. At best people find me exciting, fast-paced, energetic, focused; at worst it’s difficult to keep up with me and I can be experienced as single-minded.

Talking this over with a colleague she suggested that I try three little words, ‘Tell me more’ whenever I’m tempted to tell somebody what I think they should do. And every time I have, I’ve been really pleased and often surprised at the conversation that’s followed. It seems to give the other person the time and space to explore their thinking, knowing I’m listening and wanting to hear more.

And for the occasions when I’m keen to share my thoughts and ideas, ‘Shall I tell you more?’ is a great way to find out whether people are with you and wanting to hear more, rather than just assuming they are.

Leadership nudge: So I have got three more simple words that help me be the leader I want: Calm, then intent; and “Tell me more…”. What three small words might help you to be the leader that you want to be?

By Jennifer James